Apologies, iPwn and the Future of Thumb Spree

Some bro by the name of Richard J. Needham once said that "people who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty." If this is the case, then I must be one masochistic bugger. To all the readers and haters of Thumb Spree, I apologize for my infrequent updates, skimpy content and general wankery. There are a buttload of things going on in the marvelous world of iPhone, and I haven't been there to hold your hand and lull you into a deep, digital slumber. Rest assured that I do have an excuse or two. If you care to read on, I guarantee you'll understand why my iLife has been seemingly on hold for the past couple of weeks.

1) iPwn

"iPwn?" you ask. "Yes, iPwn" I reply smugly. For the past couple of months Thumb Spree has been working with a small production outfit by the name of Portal A Interactive to develop a freakishly funny iPhone review show. It's kind of like the Daily Show, on acid...and nerdjuice. Our efforts to mesh humor with the cosmos of iPhone video content did not go unnoticed. IGN, the mofawking internet beast of all things videogame agreed to host iPwn and I subsequently Andy Samberg'd in my pants. So guys, for the love of i-freaking-phone, give the vids a watch or two. Heck, maybe even rate it five stars and forward it to your friends. I've embedded two of the episodes below, so you can't say that you're too lazy to open a new tab.

In all honesty though, please give us your unadulterated feedback. Be brutal. Is the show too funny? Is T.J. McCloud borderline racist? Did you have to change your pants after the lightning round? We want to know, because we represent you. We are iPhone gamers. We Doodle Jump while taking dumps and we're proud of it. So there.

2) The Day Job

If you haven't gathered by now, Thumb Spree is not my primary source of income. I'd love to live in a world where I had the site stocked with ads and I could stay home playing iPhone games and eating Cheetos all day, but that's just not feasible...yet. I currently have a day job in the service industry that sucks the hours out of the week and wallops the motivation center in my prefrontal cortex into fine mush. Because of this, I'm physically unable to update the site on a respectable basis. And all of the promo codes in my inbox just sit there, wasting away.

That's where you come in. Ladies and gents, Thumb Spree is officially looking for contributing writers. If you're handy with a hyphen and own an iPhone or iPod Touch, then what the heezy are you waiting for? Shoot an email to Thumbspree@gmail.com with a cover letter, resume and at least one writing sample. It's okay if it's not gaming related. The following skills are a bonus:

• Familiarity with Content Management Systems (Wordpress, Blogger, etc.)

• Avid social networker (Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, etc.)

• Graphic design chops (esp. Photoshop, Illustrator or Flash)

• Ability to turn-around 500-800 word articles within 48 hours

• Awesome attitude, and entrepreneurial spirit

At this point in time, writers will not be monetarily compensated for their work. However, this is a great opportunity to develop your portfolio, gain exposure as a writer and (of course) play free games that you can keep. Students, this is a great resume-builder! Those who demonstrate their skill and devotion will be rewarded with a stake in Thumb Spree once the site begins to turn a profit. And I'm confident that it will do so.

Alrighty then, I've made my peace. But it's really up to you guys (and girls) to keep Thumb Spree alive and kickin. Do check out iPwn, even just to troll it, and drop a line if you want to be a part of this burgeoning web publication.

Peace, love, and finger grease,

Sam Slesinger

Apologies, iPwn and the Future of Thumb Spree